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⊆ 8:47 AM by Disha | ˜ 2 comments »Did I tell you something? It's so hard to drive when you're crying.
So, I try to control myself till I reach home.. but I can't. The tears, they come so naturally, like they were corked inside a champagne bottle until today. I mean, getting fired from your job isn't a big deal, right? Fifty thousand people lost their jobs in New York today and I was one of them. Bad economy, they say. Good enough reason, right? Oh, and to top it all, it's raining and cars behind me are honking. Its a perfect ending to a less than perfect day. I haven't eaten since breakfast and I am not on a diet. The funny thing about hunger is that if you control it for long enough, you stop feeling hungry. So I am not hungry anymore, not even angry or sad. I am just bitter about the whole thing. This was the worst day of my life.. and you know what? It isn't over yet. He told me that he cheated on me today. But, its all fine.
I rehearse what I am going to say when I call my mother tonight. She won't know, obviously. She never knew anything about my life, and she never will. No one will. I hope for a miracle. Somehow, someone will come and laugh and say that this is all a big joke and that its some kind of a reality show and that I have won because I haven't killed myself of hunger, remorse and hurt yet. But, obviously, that doesn't happen. Where are the miracles when we need them? I wish for a time turner. I wish I could go back in time, strike off my name off the bloody list when I could. Note to self : An unlisted sheet with names of twenty employees does not mean that all of them are getting promoted. Sheesh. I've acted stupidly, but this was like jumping in the well with my eyes closed. I curse myself again and then, try to heal myself since I read that hurting yourself emotionally only means that you are as bad as the people who hurt you, only worse.. and I certainly don't want to be like him. No, I am way better than him. I don't need anybody to show me who I am. I just need me. All I need is a vacation. I've been working non-stop for seven years. No Saturdays, no Sundays. Except that I can't really afford a vacation right now.. Gosh.
I try to push all these thoughts away and focus on driving. That will make things better.. diverting my attention. I need to buy Chocolate Fudge Brownie on the way home but there's no way I can stop now. I am stuck in traffic jam. Its a Friday and everyone wants to go home to their loved ones but me? No way. I have to go home to stinky and nosy neighbors.